Sorry I Can't Play with You Like Before

Dear Aidan,

The last 2 months, from May to June, have been a real struggle for Mama.

That's why I know it hasn't been easy for you, too.

We're not just mother and son. (Indeed, we've never been just that.)

We're playmates.

Buddies.

Especially once you're out of school.

One day, you'll understand why mummies with babies in their tummies feel so sick for a while.

It's caused by these things inside our bodies called 'hormones' and it's called 'Morning Sickness' but the not-so-nice feelings can last a whole day.

Like in Mama's case.

It makes me feel like vomiting pretty much throughout the day (which explains the sounds Mama makes every so often, even when I'm reading a story to you).

I hope it will go away completely by early next month, which is August, as we will be going on our first trip long trip of the year - London.

In the mean time, I can sense that you're frustrated that Mama has been unable to play 'battle' with you. Or do any jumping and diving.

Papa, or Professor Evil Von Vegetables, attacks with a cuddle

Hanging out with Theo

Checking out the news of the day

Just remember that it's temporary. And that it is a great way to spend more time together with Papa or your school mates. To learn the concept of 'empathy' and 'consideration'. That when your friends are unwell, too, you have to be patient and let them get better. That you can help an unwell person by being kind and caring to them.

I will tell you, though, that I'm very proud of you because last week, you've been doing exactly that by bringing home little flowers that you picked on your evening walks and cycling trips with Papa.

You have even told me, "Mama, if you feel sick, you don't have to come, okay? See you later!"

I believe with some guidance and lots of explanations over the next few months, you'll be a good 'Koh-koh' to baby Finley.

Meanwhile, it's good to note that you have a sense of humour even in the midst of adjusting to Mama's condition. Here's a conversation we had (1) Over dinner whereby in the midst of chewing on a piece of broccoli, I started gagging and retching.

Mr. Cheeks: Mama! Are you going to vomit?
Me: Mmm...trying not to. Many mummies feel ill when the babies are still very tiny in their tummies. So they will gag or vomit.
Mr. Cheeks: No, I know why you're trying to vomit.
Me: Really? Tell me.
Mr. Cheeks: Babies don't like vegetables.

(2) While doing some colouring together:

Mr. Cheeks: Mama, when 'my' baby is born, I will be a koh-koh?
Me: Yup. What would you call the baby? Any names you like?
Mr. Cheeks: Mmm....
Me: Do you like Atlas? Tobias? Avery?
Mr. Cheeks: No. My baby will be called...Peachy.
Me: Oh that's a girl's name, do you know that?
Mr. Cheeks: Yeah I think it's going to be a girl. 
Me: So it's Peachy Pereira?
Mr. Cheeks: No, it's Peachy Transformer.

New books we've been reading in the last 3 months include Usborne's First Reading series, 'Androcles and the Lion' and 'The Dinosaur Who Lost His Roar'. (I should add that we've been consistently doing phonics together and you're beginning to get the hang of pronouncing words based on the sounds of alphabets, not purely by sight and memory.)

Starting to recognise words and read

I Think You're Having a Sibling

Dear Aidan,

Remember the trip we made to Kuala Lumpur late in March?

Remember that one night, you woke up in Mama's bedroom at Poh-Poh's house, but didn't find Papa and Mama in bed?

You walked into the small living room, calling out, "Mama, Mama...where are you?"

And then Papa came out of what used to be Uncle Khin's bedroom.

Without a shirt on.

And Mama walked out later.

(After putting some clothes on.)

Well, I remember you asked with your eyes squinting against the living room lights, "How come you're not in the room?"

I can't remember what our answer was to you then. But we were trying to make a baby.

It worked because almost a month later, Mama took a little test and the results said we were going to have one.

That 'plus' sign just means 'yes'

That was the day, you came into the toilet and saw Mama holding a stick.

I still recall your expression when I told you.

Your face lit up and you had a happy, surprised mouth-open sort of smile.

I don't think you remember how two hours later, Mama had to rush to the clinic and leave you with Kakak.

Let's just say, I thought I'd lost the baby as soon as I got it.

The next two weeks in April was a roller-coaster ride.

There was a clot. Then there was no heart-beat. And then there was low progesterone. And then there was a heart-beat.

Now that it's all over, and we're certain that baby is fine, I can breathe a sigh of relief.

I'm bracing myself for this thing called 'Morning Sickness'. Mummies with babies in their tummies get it at the beginning of their pregnancy. It's a period when you'll see Mama feeling tired and making funny sounds from the throat as if I'm going to throw up.

I hope it won't get too much in the way of our play-time.

But if it does, I hope you'll understand and not be mad at me.

Having said that...you're going to be a big brother! And I think the fact that you're a sensitive little kid, will make you a pretty good one. (Well, sometimes I think you do feel a little too much but hey, we'll work on turning these things into something good, okay?)

Why do I say that?

Well, there are times when you're a tough Optimus Prime or Iron Man or Omega Supreme or Awesome Man (depending on what superhero you decide to be at a particular moment).

Don't mess with my Adamantium claws okay?

But there is also an incredibly sweet and homely side to you.

Do you want some? It's very, very, very nice...

Wake me up when it's already Christmas, okay?

Mama, have a heart...

I'll get there, okay, give me time...

The side that kisses your stuffed toys and let them have breakfast with you.

The side that loves quiet, learning-how-to-read times.

The side that loves to 'give out hearts' to friends and family.

I also think that the comical side of you will come in handy when baby needs to be soothed.

It's not going to be easy getting used to another little person asking for cuddles and kisses, or crying to be carried.

And I suspect there will be a little jealousy.

But you know what, darling little boy? You'll always be our firstborn.

And you'll always have our love when you need it.

Learning to Sleep without the Diaper and Other Signs of Maturity

Dear Aidan,

Going back to school after all those holidays was tough. Even Papa had the blues returning to work. But you've been adapting really well. And I can see that this year, you're enjoying school a lot more.

I guess you're growing up.

Another sign is that you've now comfortable napping without a diaper on. You still say 'No' for your nighttime sleep though, although there have been times when Mama 'forgot' to change you into your diaper and you woke up dry.

Who shall I be today?

With a kid like you, lots of patience and well-timed coaxing are required. And I guess I'll have to just keep trying.

I still remember how you only agreed to poo in the toilet bowl when you were 3+. And it took a few months of encouragement before you decided for yourself that your bottom would not fall into the bowl along with the poo if you emptied yourself there.

Erm, there are other kids here, Mama...

Bane killed me...

The obsession with superheroes has truly set in, by the way. I would say it began sometimes end of last year - around October - when you started to pit your Hot Wheels cars against each other during play-time. Plus, Cars taught you plenty about the good and bad guys (along with many other Disney cartoons you've watched); remember Chick Hicks, who tried to bump Lightning McQueen off the track during a race?

As you get older, you may learn that not all good guys are perfectly good, and the same goes for the mean ones. We ourselves are not always well-behaved, are we? :) But I'll explain that to you later when we get 'there'.

Back to superheroes. Ever since Grandma and Grandpa got you the Batman and Superman shirts, you've been asking for superhero underpants too. Thankfully, Grandma got you a pack of Spiderman ones way back when you were just a little over a year old. Because Cheeks, these character underpants are not cheap. It's a bit silly to spend so much on inner-wear. And I agreed to a pack of Batman ones only because it was your birthday. (Yup, you must be the only 4-year-old who got underpants from his parents for his birthday!)

You've also begun to put on the Superman cape Poh-Poh had sown up for you. She actually gave that to me to keep last year, a few months before the superhero bug bit you. So I'm just so glad I'm able to take it out now and put a smile on your face. It's so nice to see how much you love it because you'd wear it to the playground and even to the coffee-shops when we eat out.

(Of course, by the time you get to read this blog, you may be horrified to know that you did stuff like this and that your Mama actually allowed it to happen. But honey, you're only young once, and childhood is when you should least care about what others think about you!)

Yeah, it's no big deal helping an old person cross the road!

Sometime late March, we celebrated Papa's birthday at a little open-air Italian restaurant on Sentosa Island. This time, you generously took $50 out of your savings to contribute to Papa's special dinner. It's really nice to see you and Papa bonding so well. Although you still try to escape Papa's wet, stubbly kisses at bedtime.

Look, we're here for Papa's birthday and they gave him a special...dish!

We made a short trip to KL this month to visit Grandpa and Grandma. And it was nice to see that you're beginning to understand what it means to care about people. When we asked if you could hold Grandpa's hand and help him cross the road as his legs were not very good, you did so without complaint. I know Grandpa walks really slowly, and that's precisely why we were proud of you. You weren't impatient, even for a boy who bounces and sprints about.

All these signs of maturity in you have been making Mama yearn for a sibling for you. I look back at those old videos and pictures of you when you were 1-2 years old and I miss the baby-ness, the struggle to form sentences, the clumsy waddle and run. This makes me wonder if my yearnings are for selfish reasons (what I miss) or that we want you to have someone to talk to when Papa and Mama get older and 'arrangements' need to be made (what you need).

But what I am sure of is, you do brighten up whenever Saturday comes and it's time for Sportball with Theo. You would always ask if we could have lunch with his family after the 1-hour session. In addition, you've also been asking if you could play at his home and Anshika's (our neighbour) too.

The other day, after Mama and Papa took you with us to the fertility clinic, you asked if I was sick. And when Mama explained to you that we were just asking the doctor about the best ways to have a baby, you immediately said you wanted a little brother to play with.

I take these to be signs that you'd love a playmate and I hope that you'll like having a sibling if Papa and Mama do manage to give one to you. Well, despite the little fights and arguments you'll definitely be having, of course!

Books we have been reading include: Hello Tilly (Polly Dunbar), Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site (Sherri Duskey Rinker and Tom Lichtenheld), and You're a Hero, Daley B (John Blake and Axel Scheffler).

Daley B tickles you quite a bit!

(Note: We found out from your Drama Teacher, Miss Gemma, that she had asked you this: "So who lives with you at home?". Apparently your answer was, "My daddy and mummy and me...and maybe a little brother or sister soon. But not yet." Oh dear.)

Year of the Snake: Missing Kung-Kung but Celebrating What We Do Have

Dear Aidan,

This year, the first day of Chinese New Year fell on the 10th of February. Ever since Kung-Kung passed away, Chinese New Year has become a bittersweet festive season for me. Last year was painful because Reunion Day (eve) fell on his birthday. It was not easy for Poh-Poh. And it wasn't easy for Mama. It will never be easy again, I think.

When you're older, you will understand why we never forget those we love, long after they're gone. When you're older, too, you'll learn why those who have been left behind must move on, continue to live, and celebrate what they still have.

This year of the Snake, we still have Poh-Poh, Uncle Khin, Dillon, Papa, Mama and you. So we decided to celebrate. A new 'spring'. A new year. A new chance to be with family and be better people.

"What? Better people?"

Yes, better people. We can do better than last year. We can make better choices. Like choose to be less selfish, more patient, less greedy, more generous, less whiny, more grateful.

You've been our only child for 4 years now. You're bound to think the world revolves around you. That everyone will listen to what you have to say when you wish to speak. That just because you ask nicely, you will get what you want.

But life is not about taking. It's about giving. When we take, we take what we need. When we give, we give what we can and sometimes, more.

If you only take, you will only learn to ask for more. And you will also learn to waste things.

That's why as you grow older, we'll be saying "No" a lot more. And while you may not like it (nobody likes to be disappointed), you have to understand that Papa's and Mama's job is first to protect and guide you. We're not here to just be your friends. Then again, even friends will say "No" to you, if they're true friends because some things just aren't good for you.

But Mama is veering off.

Yet, as I ponder these grown-up things in relation to you, I am grateful that you are in our lives. That our family, though small, is still loving and together. That while Kung-Kung will never get to see how you've grown, his spirit is still with us because Chinese New Year will always be a homage to him in our eyes.

I am officially a monkey...in the year of the snake!

Whaddya mean I'm not?

Here, let me show you my creds!

Monkey wins!

By homage, we had a Reunion Dinner at Uncle Khin's home with lovely, simple dishes that were loved by Kung-Kung and lovingly prepared by Poh-Poh. Then we lunched together with Uncle Khin, Poh-Poh and Dillon on the 4th day of the Year of the Snake.

It's really nice to see how close you are to Poh-Poh and Uncle Khin even though you have not seen them as often as we would've liked. And we're so happy that Dillon is reaching out to you more, too.
After the Reunion meal, the both of you had a mega battle teaming up to defeat Mama Monster before Mama and Uncle Khin switched places.

A kiss from the heart 

A very long story...

And during lunch, you sat next to Uncle Khin or otherwise held his hand while walking. Even Poh-Poh got treated to a nice, long story from you.

I hope Papa and I will do a good job raising you the right way. It's not easy as adults make mistakes too and have to say 'sorry' but we'll do our best to help you understand that 'tough' love is also love!

A Little Someone Turns 4

Dear Aidan,

Ah. February again. How time flies.

Like the past 2 years, Mama started to panic about your birthday plans right smack on the 1st day of the month. February has been a wet month in recent years, due to global warming. And wet months aren't necessarily fun months for birthday parties because kids should be outdoors, screaming, running about and getting some good old fashioned sun (with sunblock on, of course).

There was temptation to hold a small party at the meeting room at the condo. It's right next to the pool in case the sun decides to turn up to celebrate. And there's shelter in case the weather decides to be a wet blanket of clouds.

I decided to ask you - probably because you're almost 4 and should have a say in how or where you'd like to celebrate your own birthday. And sure enough, you said "Not the meeting room, Mama!""Why not?" "Because I had my 3-year-old birthday there." Right.

"Shoot my daddy, Zachariah!"

"Come on, let's water bomb the rest!"

"Theo, don't let Uncle Ian get away!"

To be honest, I didn't push it. Having it anywhere within the condo premises usually attracted attention from playground buddies who no longer play with you (1) because they no longer go to the playground or (2) because they've outgrown you; but who nevertheless still want to eat cake.

For Mama, smaller, intimate parties work because you get to interact with all your friends and Papa and Mama get to know their parents better.

Papa taking care of the girls

That's you, clockworks whirring in your mind!

Eventually, Mama discovered the Port of Lost Wonder, a small-scale children's club on Sentosa Island with a large Pirate Ship helming their water-play area, a green garden for educational workshops as well as a private children's party area. It also had a souvenir shop and a restaurant with both indoor and outdoor seating.

All waiting for Zachariah to pass around the Honey Stars...

Zachariah and you...having a moment together

You invited Zachariah and her little sister, Petra; Theo, Lana, Tristan, Manon, Jovan and Jo Min. And Mama invited Uncle Benny's (our regular taxi driver) kids, too. Jo Min and Jovan couldn't attend but the rest made it.

The days running up to the 16th were wet and dreary and it was pretty gloomy that Saturday morning too. But the skies held out till just after lunch which was great because that time was cake-cutting time. So it turned out to be a really amazing day. (We said lots of thank you's to God, that's for sure!)

It started with you and your friends getting into the water and not leaving for another 1.5 hours. You were climbing up the pirate ship, playing with the slides, exploring tunnels and shooting each other with water canons.

You were great - you gave out cake slices to your friends!

Handling the knife like a pro...

Mmm-mm...Lana already eyeing a second piece...

Then it was lunch time and the pizzas, pork ribs, chicken wings and sandwiches rolled in.

After that, we had a game of Simon Says where every one of you who participated received a vintage DIY styrofoam airplane as well as some plastic bubble blowers.

We then had cake  - a round Optimus Prime and Bumblebee chocolate cake with butter icing and both Lana and Theo had seconds!

Aunty Geraldine helping to assemble the airplane from Zachariah

Aunty Amandine helping Tristan to fix the styrofoam airplane

Your new toy airplane!

After that, it was time to go home. And Mama was really happy that you were all excited and cheerful.

Not sure if you remember this but Grandpa and Grandma were in Singapore too, to help you celebrate. And they had fun getting to know Uncle Ian and chatting with the other parents throughout the party.

Uncle Ian gets chatted up by Grandma!

Grandma, Papa, Grandpa...and you, featuring new toy airplane!

And you got some neat presents again: an Awesome Man superhero costume from Aunty Kea-Nai and Uncle Michel, lego from Tristan, more lego from Manon, an Optimus Prime t-shirt from Uncle Ian and Aunty Glenda and a huge toy airplane from Zach's parents. You were beaming from ear to ear.

That evening, you took out your Awesome Man costume and wore it till bedtime.

Thanks for turning me into a superhero, Aunty Kea-Nai and Uncle Michel!

On the side, however, I can't believe you're 4 already, Cheeks! I know you've got a long way to go. And yet, I'm already missing the days when you were just toddling around, speaking in broken sentences and putting your fingers into all sorts of things. But we're just so privileged to have watched you grown these past few years. You've become a sensitive, loving little boy with a mischievous and cheeky streak (why do you think we stopped calling you Eskimo Boy and switched to Mr. Cheeks? It's not just to do with your chubby cheeks!); but also a little boy who's becoming more independent and imaginative.

There are areas which we need to work on, for sure: for one, you've got to stop expecting others to follow your instructions all the time. They could find you too bossy. And secondly, "no means no" so you really mustn't 'ask for trouble' by deliberately doing the opposite when we say "no" to something; or try not to be overly upset when you can't have your way.

We all have to learn to handle disappointment. And we all need to learn to be happy with 'enough'.

I know you're learning a whole lot of things at the same time. And 4 years on Planet Earth isn't nearly long enough for you to know all the tricks there are to living. So, we'll get there together. Step by step. And with a little patience on Papa and Mama's side, as well as the effort to choose the right thing to do, we'll get there. Hey, some adults take a whole lifetime to get it!

We love you very much, Aidan. Always. Forever.

Always important, always loved :D

January 2013: A conversation about your growth

Mr. Cheeks: Mama, why are you looking at me like that?
Me: Just thinking about how you're growing up so fast.
Mr. Cheeks: Are you sad?
Me: Sad? Me? No. Okay, a bit sad but also happy. Are you going to love us when you're 10 years old?
Mr. Cheeks: I will love you even when I'm 20 years old.
Me: (Thinking I should ask again another time and record it for the future!) That would be nice. Still wish you wouldn't grow up so quickly though. 
Mr. Cheeks: But I have to grow up. 
Me: Yeah, you have to grow up.

New Year, New Rush, New Hopes

Dear Aidan,

January is always a continuation of December in this household. So are February and March.

Life gets busy because we prepare for Christmas - not just the tree or Christmas Mass but also our hearts to receive the arrival of Jesus. And as we slip into January, there are birthdays (Mama's), the start of your new school term, the planning of your birthday in February, preparations for Chinese New Year and sometimes, a new adventure.

This year, Mama wanted to do something more for the poor. Apart from donating clothes, cash and toys (you did a great job parting with some of your favourites for some kids in Kenya, by the way), I thought of spending time at a soup kitchen.

Found it! 

So the 'new adventure' took me to an industrial building at 6.30 am and introduced me to the world of fast-paced chopping, mixing, cleaning and cooking. At the Willing Hands Soup Kitchen, there are people of all ages helping out. The uncles and aunties are usually sorting out vegetables, chopping them or cooking. While the young ones break open, beat and flavour trays upon trays of eggs, pack the cooked food, sort them in trolleys and clean up.

The chefs start early

Helpers at the food-packing station

Choice #1: Fried rice with gravy chicken. Vegies haven't been added yet.

The food eventually get dropped off at old folks' homes, halfway houses as well as community centres.

The uncle who started this project cooked breakfast for a few of us. I sat down next to him and listened to the story of how he started the project. He was a businessman before. But after retiring, he decided to give back to the community. Raw ingredients are sponsored by generous donors. Volunteers come and go although there are close friends who have become regulars.

Mama was on her feet from about 7 am till 2.15 pm. The shift finished at 12.30 pm and many volunteers left at that time. I felt bad for the two domestic helpers who stayed on to clean the large woks and piles of trays and cooking utensils so I decided to stay back to help, too. It was a good.  I wanted to go out of my way and I managed to, even though you were on my mind all morning.

It is good to help people. Mama always encourages you to help your friends and teachers at school because it shows that we care. Why should we care? Because we are all connected. The world is just a very large house with many, many family members living in it. No matter what we look like, what language we speak, we are all bound together. Caring then becomes contagious. When more and more people care for one another, the world becomes a better place to live in. There would be less sad people. And less angry people.

You can care by giving away your toys to kids who have none. You can care by helping your friend up when he or she falls down. You can care by - yes, Aidan John Pereira: using less soap and water. Because while it's fun to make bubbles and spray the bathtub because "it's on fire, Mama!", it's also wasteful. Do you know some people don't even have water to drink?

Thanks for a yummy dinner, Papa and Cheeks!

Serious concentration: Money counting in progress

This month, Papa and you also surprised Mama with lots of love and gestures for my birthday. First, both of you bought a lovely Spanish dinner for me. Papa said you took $15 out of your little Barney savings box for this.

At the restaurant, you were so impatient to pay that right after we had ordered our meals, you took your share out of your little pocket and went straight up to the waiter. He looked at your $15, laughed and said, "Young man, I think you have to stay with Uncle tonight to do the dishes." Ha ha.

Uncle Michel, Uncle Ian and Lana

Dillon, Uncle Khin, Uncle Neil, Aunty Su Yin with Mama at the back

Unwrapping Mama's presents in a corner

Milo-sharing with Lana while Theo tries to get to the yummy bits at the bottom of his glass

Over the weekend, you boys also planned a surprise dinner for Mama at the Hong Kong Kitchen restaurant and invited Poh-Poh, Uncle Khin, Dillon, Uncle Neil, Aunty Su Yin, Uncle Michel, Aunty Glenda, Lana as well as Uncle Michel, Aunty Kea-Nai and Theo.

It was fun night. Halfway through the 3rd course, Mama found you and Theo on the carpeted floor, digging into my presents and unwrapping them. I think we lost about 10 incense sticks that was part of Uncle Khin's present that night.

After dinner, you and your two best friends follow Papa, Mama, Uncle Ian and Uncle Michel to the mamak stall for a hot drink. (Aunty Kea-Nai was sick and couldn't come for dinner while Aunty Glenda was busy with their new baby.) It was nice to see you sharing your Milo with Lana.

Mama, I fixed it!

This year, you were quite hands-on with the Chinese New Year decorations. I was very proud of you for helping out.

You had the best time sticking the two cardboard snakes on the door (it's the Year of the Snake this year). But before that, Mama told you a story about the 12 zodiac signs in the Chinese calendar.

When Papa got home, you two climbed onto the dining table to put up a wall banner.

This year will be the second year we celebrate the Chinese New Year without Kung-Kung.

Mama still feels the loss because not only is this his favourite festive season; it's usually close if not on his birthday. I hope you'll always remember him, too.

Mission accomplished!

As your imagination starts to take shape, you're beginning to show how far it can go with a topic that seems to recur from time to time. You call it 'Baby Music Class'. It's an imaginary place you bring up whenever you disagree with Papa and Mama and whenever you believe the impossible happens. Basically, it's baby paradise and it absolutely has nothing to do with music most of the time.

Example #1 of your usage of 'Baby Music Class':

Me: Sorry honey, the bumper cars are only for kids who are 6 years old and above...
Mr. Cheeks: Never mind, there are bumper car rides in baby music class. 
Me: Really? Do you have to pay for the rides?
Mr. Cheeks: No, it's free for children.

Example #2:

Papa: The church is so beautiful right, Mama?
Me: Yeah, quite modern.
Mr. Cheeks: I've already see this church at Baby Music Class.
Me: Wow, what else is there in Baby Music Class apart from music lessons?
Mr. Cheeks: There are pretty flowers there also. You just pick the colour you like and then go.
Me: Are the flowers ALSO free?
Mr. Cheeks: Yes, free.

Meanwhile, we've also started you on Drama Class (Monday afternoons) and Sportsball (Saturday mornings). You seem to enjoy both and it'll be interesting to see how you develop especially with Drama Class as you do switch between being confident and shy in different occasions.

Books you're reading this month: 'Daddy Lost His Head' (Quentin Blake and Andre Bouchard), 'Where the Wild Things Are (Maurice Sendak)', 'Mad at Mommy' and That's How (Christoph Niemann). That last book is an imaginative look at how a few things like steamrollers and fire-engines work (e.g elephant's trunk acts as a hose while a bird is behind the siren).

Bedtime treasures