The quick 3-day trip Mama made to KL was an eye-opener. I sat by the doorway to the hospital with my mask on as I was coughing a little. And all I could do was watch Kung-Kung take naps in succession. All I could do was stare at his emaciated frame and wonder to myself: how did he lose so much weight in just 2 weeks? When he was awake, Kung-Kung would look my way an flash Mama a wide smile; a smile that seemed to engulf his now gaunt and bony face.
Dr. Christina told us that his stomach complications were part of the challenges of pancreatic cancer. After taking some medication, his purging stopped but he'd continued to throw up after every meal. They resorted to inserting a feeding tube directly to his intestines but even then, the tube detached a few time and had to be reinserted. The waiting at the gastroenterologist's clinic for re-insertion really Kung-Kung's alertness and energy, too. It was a disheartening and most depressing trip this time round.
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| Something to cheer us all up with |
On Mama's last day there, Kung-Kung felt a lot better. He also ate without throwing up much. Just a little bile here and there. I left with a bit more hope and brought back two Usborne First Reader books entitled Clever Rabbit and Chilly the Penguin.
A week later, you followed Papa and Mama up to KL again. Just to be there for Kung-Kung and Poh-Poh at a difficult time. It was good to see more colour in Kung-Kung's cheeks. He actually looked better as he could sit up and chat with his brothers and sister. It seemed the throwing up hasn't entirely ceased and the oncologist has been working with the dietician to figure out the best nutrient formula to give him through the tube.
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| I'll feel better right after a bowl of blue udon mee-mee, Mama |
You developed a pretty high fever though the day after we arrived. You woke up from your nap with a temperature of 38.7 degrees celsius. We sponged you. Monitored you. But in the middle of the night that day, your temperature climbed to 39.3. So we took you to the Pantai Hospital nearby and had you checked. We were given suppositories to contain the high fever and it was so sad for us to see you bawling when we turned you around to insert the pill. You only started to get better two days later after we got antibiotics for you from the clinic near Poh-Poh's house.
Once you started mending, you became very sporting. You followed us to the hospital every day to see Kung-Kung; even on the Friday night after a thunderstorm, when we got stuck in a gridlock on the highway for 3 hours on the way to the hospital, you didn't throw a tantrum.
Anyway, Kung-Kung had started insisting on different scans to get to the bottom of the vomitting. There was first the brain scan to rule out metastasis; then by the time we'd left for Singapore, he was due for a throat scan.
I still remember the day we got back from our trip. A Sunday. We had been praying over Kung-Kung on every visit now and while I knew his life was hanging on a thread, I've so far been hanging on the hope of Jesus. But then Monday night came.
Monday night, 11.15 pm came. That phone call from Uncle Khin came. And the news that Kung-Kung's heart had suddenly stopped beating came, too. It had stopped while the nurse had left the room to get his medication. And the medical officer would spent the next hour trying to revive him.
Kung-Kung's death was pronounced at 12.10 am.
Uncle Khin and Mama booked the 6 am flight back to KL. You and Papa would join us the next day. By the time we got home, we had to take Mama's car to Uncle Yik Kah's home as Poh-Poh had stayed the night there. I remember, as we opened the doors to get Mama's car keys, glancing at the garden and feeling a deep stab of sadness. Kung-Kung and Poh-Poh had spent hours keeping the garden beautiful. It was Kung-Kung's favourite place to be. It was so green, so peaceful and full of life, unlike the Gardener that created it.
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| 2 days after the cremation, you wanted to clean Mama's car |
It seems like such a long time ago that we arranged for Kung-Kung's funeral. A lot of relatives and friends came for the wake. Even Mama's and Papa's friends. In a strange way, it was a warm affair. I suppose you could say we felt surrounded by goodness.
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| Remembering Kung-Kung through his works |
Aunty Mei Yoong and Uncle Daniel also brought Gabby along. "To keep Aidan company," they said. God bless them. They stayed till late too, until we all left, actually. Mama brought you to see Kung-Kung in his coffin. You said a prayer with Mama. I remember explaining the concept of death and Heaven to you. "Kung-Kung's alive in a different place now, " I said. But I don't think you quite understand that once a person goes to Heaven, they can't just come back to Earth because you replied, "Once Kung-Kung's better, he'll come and visit us again."
The saddest part of the whole event was the cremation. Mama just couldn't bear to see Kung-Kung entering the vault and the shutters closing down behind him. It was so final. It was final. But I wish it weren't so. My consolation from the good Lord is that he went on 1st November, All Saints Day. That comforts me a great deal.
(PS: I haven't taken pictures of Kung-Kung during the height of his illness and leading to his passing on as I want to (just as I want you to as well) always remember him in his spritely and handsome state.)
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