Month #33/Part 3: Another Death

Dear Aidan,

We've just come out of a very dark November. Did you know that a few days after Kung-Kung passed away, Poh-Poh's elder sister went, too? She'd even turned up for Kung-Kung's wake. But looking back, she did look pale although when Poh-Poh called her the next day, after the funeral, she said she was fine and just needed some oil for her tummy ache.

The next day, a Friday, we went to pick Kung-Kung's bones at the Nirvana Memorial Centre in Shah Alam. Just so you know, we did this so we could put his remains in an urn that's placed in a special locker we'd bought. When we got home, Poh-Poh tried calling your Grand Aunty Li Yi but she didn't answer. She stays quite close to Poh-Poh, actually. So Poh-Poh walked over to her flat in the afternoon to check on her.

I remember you were still napping when Poh-Poh returned in a panic, telling Mama that Grand Aunty was lying on the floor, alert but in pain. She'd lost all energy and had decided to lay down on the way to the toilet.

Mama then followed Poh-Poh over to change her (she'd wet herself), and carry her to the couch. Mama then spent 30 minutes trying to call an ambulance. It was frustrating. A bit like trying to get to eat your vegetables, only this time, it was a matter of life and death.

By 8 pm, we managed to send her to the nearest hospital, just around the corner. But after an x-ray and a CT scan, we were told by the doctor that her intestines were all blocked up - possibly cancer! Surgery however was going to be risky as Grand Aunty has diabetes and her kidneys too had all but failed. The hospital didn't have a dialysis machine so we had to transfer her to another hospital 15 minutes away.

Mama and Papa stayed overnight at the hospital to ensure she was stabilised and admitted to the ICU; her heartbeat upon admission had been very weak. We only left the hospital at 6 am. Poh-Poh, whom Mama sent home to rest at 11 pm, meanwhile, had spent the night in Mama's room accompanying you to sleep. She must have been very tired because she didn't wake up when we got home - she's usually an early riser.

A minute's rest in between funerals for Uncle Khin, and a pretender

At 11 am that day, the hospital called to inform us that Grand Aunty had had a heart attack in the wee hours of the morning, possibly right after we'd left. But she continued to hold on till Monday morning, when she died in her sleep.

Breakfast before visiting Grand Aunty at the hospital

It has been an extraordinarily tough month for Poh-Poh. She only has tow sisters left - the youngest in London and the eldest in Sydney. But Poh-Poh herself is now 75 years old. Imagine! All her brothers have passed on. It seems she has had to be strong all her life and this period has truly been a test of it as well as a testament of it.

We must continue to love her and support her through her twilight years. People are not perfect. We are ourselves people. So even on her naggiest and critical days,  Mama has to try to turn the other cheek. After all, one day, when Mama is grey and old, I'd want you to continue to love me, too. To let me know I'm not so bad.

Month #3/Part 2: An Introduction to Death and New Life

Dear Aidan,

The quick 3-day trip Mama made to KL was an eye-opener. I sat by the doorway to the hospital with my mask on as I was coughing a little. And all I could do was watch Kung-Kung take naps in succession. All I could do was stare at his emaciated frame and wonder to myself: how did he lose so much weight in just 2 weeks? When he was awake, Kung-Kung would look my way an flash Mama a wide smile; a smile that seemed to engulf his now gaunt and bony face.

Dr. Christina told us that his stomach complications were part of the challenges of pancreatic cancer. After taking some medication, his purging stopped but he'd continued to throw up after every meal. They resorted to inserting a feeding tube directly to his intestines but even then, the tube detached a few time and had to be reinserted. The waiting at the gastroenterologist's clinic for re-insertion really Kung-Kung's alertness and energy, too. It was a disheartening and most depressing trip this time round.

Something to cheer us all up with

On Mama's last day there, Kung-Kung felt a lot better. He also ate without throwing up much. Just a little bile here and there. I left with a bit more hope and brought back two Usborne First Reader books entitled Clever Rabbit and Chilly the Penguin.

A week later, you followed Papa and Mama up to KL again. Just to be there for Kung-Kung and Poh-Poh at a difficult time. It was good to see more colour in Kung-Kung's cheeks. He actually looked better as he could sit up and chat with his brothers and sister. It seemed the throwing up hasn't entirely ceased and the oncologist has been working with the dietician to figure out the best nutrient formula to give him through the tube.

I'll feel better right after a bowl of blue udon mee-mee, Mama

You developed a pretty high fever though the day after we arrived. You woke up from your nap with a temperature of 38.7 degrees celsius. We sponged you. Monitored you. But in the middle of the night that day, your temperature climbed to 39.3. So we took you to the Pantai Hospital nearby and had you checked. We were given suppositories to contain the high fever and it was so sad for us to see you bawling when we turned you around to insert the pill. You only started to get better two days later after we got antibiotics for you from the clinic near Poh-Poh's house.

Once you started mending, you became very sporting. You followed us to the hospital every day to see Kung-Kung; even on the Friday night after a thunderstorm, when we got stuck in a gridlock on the highway for 3 hours on the way to the hospital, you didn't throw a tantrum.

Anyway, Kung-Kung had started insisting on different scans to get to the bottom of the vomitting. There was first the brain scan to rule out metastasis; then by the time we'd left for Singapore, he was due for a throat scan.

I still remember the day we got back from our trip. A Sunday. We had been praying over Kung-Kung on every visit now and while I knew his life was hanging on a thread, I've so far been hanging on the hope of Jesus. But then Monday night came.

Monday night, 11.15 pm came. That phone call from Uncle Khin came. And the news that Kung-Kung's heart had suddenly stopped beating came, too. It had stopped while the nurse had left the room to get his medication. And the medical officer would spent the next hour trying to revive him.

Kung-Kung's death was pronounced at 12.10 am.

Uncle Khin and Mama booked the 6 am flight back to KL. You and Papa would join us the next day.   By the time we got home, we had to take Mama's car to Uncle Yik Kah's home as Poh-Poh had stayed the night there. I remember, as we opened the doors to get Mama's car keys, glancing at the garden and feeling a deep stab of sadness. Kung-Kung and Poh-Poh had spent hours keeping the garden beautiful. It was Kung-Kung's favourite place to be. It was so green, so peaceful and full of life, unlike the Gardener that created it.

2 days after the cremation, you wanted to clean Mama's car

It seems like such a long time ago that we arranged for Kung-Kung's funeral. A lot of relatives and friends came for the wake. Even Mama's and Papa's friends. In a strange way, it was a warm affair. I suppose you could say we felt surrounded by goodness.

Remembering Kung-Kung through his works

Aunty Mei Yoong and Uncle Daniel also brought Gabby along. "To keep Aidan company," they said. God bless them. They stayed till late too, until we all left, actually. Mama brought you to see Kung-Kung in his coffin. You said a prayer with Mama. I remember explaining the concept of death and Heaven to you.  "Kung-Kung's alive in a different place now, " I said. But I don't think you quite understand that once a person goes to Heaven, they can't just come back to Earth because you replied, "Once Kung-Kung's better, he'll come and visit us again."

The saddest part of the whole event was the cremation. Mama just couldn't bear to see Kung-Kung entering the vault and the shutters closing down behind him. It was so final. It was final. But I wish it weren't so. My consolation from the good Lord is that he went on 1st November, All Saints Day. That comforts me a great deal.

(PS:  I haven't taken pictures of Kung-Kung during the height of his illness and leading to his passing on as I want to (just as I want you to as well) always remember him in his spritely and handsome state.)