This is Not How You Make Friends, Aidan

Dear Aidan,

You're 2 and a half years old now and it's heartwarming to observe that you're interested in making friends. We're also real proud that you're gaining confidence in making the first move. Even with the bullies in the playground who are thrice your size. However, there are ways to initiate friendship. And there are also different types of kids out there. Some want to be friends. Others just want your toy. Still others just want you to be a practice block for their budding tae kwan do kicks. The girls need a softer approach. The boys don't mind the occasional lion roar in their face. The older kids play rougher. The younger ones can't kick a football quite just yet. So don't get mad just because you've got the makings of Wayne Rooney in your right leg. Before Mama lists down the ways to make friends, here's the list of what not to do. I know this takes the fun out of play-time but seriously, the objective's to have friends to grow up with, and learn from.  Not have kids running helter-skelter away from you because "Godzilla is going to kill us."

How Not to Make Friends:

1. Kiss boys even if you've had loads of fun and are happy with them. Only deep-sea boy squids do that to each other. And frogs. And some dragonflies. And lately, a few penguins.

2. Kick a ball at an 18-month-old and expect an unbroken volley. The little guy sees a flying projectile coming his way, he runs the opposite direction because he wants to live.

3. Tell a group of girls that Simba wants to borrow their pink scooters.

4. Tell a group of girls that Simba wants to borrow their meant-for-5-year-old pink scooters.

5. 'Block' another kid from looking at 'your worm' in the grass. Worms are public property and anyone can have a look, ok?

6. Attempt to jump onto any tike car, scooter, bicycle you see lying on the floor in the playground. These things have owners. And no, the owners are not all called Aidan John Pereira. 

7. Tell some kid to sit on a fountain just so you can watch the water spray turn into a gush. That's not called being friendly. That's called being bossy.

8. Ask some 11-year-old to play with you and expect him to. He's probably afraid he'll accidentally kill you.

9. Ask some bully with a large bat to play with you because he'd probably kill you and we wouldn't be sure if it was by accident or not. 

10. Ask the maids to watch you kick the ball 'so high' because you want an appreciative audience. They need to keep an eye on the kids under their care and you don't look like any of them.

11. Doing your own '1,2,3...get set go' because you take ages to say it right and the other kids just want to run.

Despite all this, I know you'll do fine. Because your little heart is trying to get to the right place. And I know I'm responsible for making that happen. It was nice the other day when you went up to Xe Min after she got tackled and hurt by a bully, and gave her a hug. And it's always amazing to hear you say "Cannnn!" in a sing-song voice when a kid wants to play with your ride-on toys or cart. It wasn't always this way, of course, but watching you develop these little skills as we grow together is just sublime. 

Oh one last thing: Licking the playground floor is also not how you make friends, honey. All the other kids tend to follow which just means their mums and maids could put you on the blacklist. That's a whole lot of kids not attending your future birthday parties, son!