Are You a Month Old Already?

Dear Aidan,

You're officially 1 month old today and we can already see that you're going to be quite an intense little guy. Your banshee cry apart, there's always this death stare and frown I only usually see on really old and grumpy people.

Whatcha lookin' at?

Should I even be here in the first place?

Time really does have wings. But with the wings, comes lots of new little adventures. Well, some of them aren't very positive from Mama's point of view. But I'm sure, in hindsight later, I will be able to 

grin about it and maybe wonder what all the worry was all about.

Firstly, I'll admit that  I'm nervous about possibly not being able to breast-feed you for long. What mother doesn't want the best for her child, right? And yet, God has different plans for different people. 

It's 2 am and there's a...light

Right now, I'm already supplementing your meals with a little formula. I've decided not to be burdened by guilt and to just enjoy the moments I have watching you grow, day by day. After all, the entire Breast-Feeding Advocacy Brigade can't see how Mama pumps furiously in between waking up to feed you from the breast directly. It's depressing to see tap drips against the effort I'm putting into this when a Niagara Falls would've been a lot more encouraging.

I know I'm staring but it's not personal

Secondly, I'll also admit that you're one baby with super-strong reflexes. What I'm trying to tell you, really, is that you're a horrible napper! And Mama, Poh-Poh and Aunty Lilian, the confinement lady, are witnesses, too. Your eyes would close but once your head drooped ever so slightly, you'd awaken and bawl. And what a bawl too. I get it. You're angry that you can't sleep properly and you just want all of us to understand - the neighbours included.

I'm really sleepy as you can see; I just can't seem to sleep is all!

I must say though, that it's pretty difficult for Mama to function with this much sleep deprivation. (Which is not as bad as the thought that a little baby like you are functioning with a total of just 30 minutes of sleep in a DAY, of course.)  It's not like Papa could take over breast-feeding duties, you know. What? Never mind, one day you'll understand. At least when it's time for the Lesson entitled 'The Birds and the Bees'.

Anyway, to celebrate your 1st month here on Earth, we had a little Full-Moon party for you. Quite a few of Mama's and Papa's friends came. Not that you gave a toss. You just wanted your milk on time. Plus a little help cleaning up the post acid-reflux-attack mess you made.

I'll tell you though - and this is something else I'll admit - I was pretty glad when it was all quiet again, and all I had was you, in my arms, falling asleep. Well, trying to, anyway.